Cupio (orientation)
Cupio (previously referred to as kalos) is an orientation prefix describing individuals that experience no or limited attraction, yet still desires a relationship, the Latin prefix cupio- meaning to desire.[1][2]
Cupio individuals are commonly favorable towards the actions of their relevant orientation, but they do not have to be; For example, a cupiosexual may be sex-favorable but experience no or limited sexual attraction.[3] Cupio individuals may also be used by those who only sometimes feel attraction; For example, a demiromantic individual who dates someone on the assumption that they will develop romantic attraction later on.
Some reasons for why one may desire a relationship even without attraction includes:
- they enjoy the activities associated with said attraction;
- they partake in the relationship(s) for work or financial reasons;
- they are curious in having or trying a relationship(s);
- they want to form a relationship(s) for some sort of gain or alternate goal;
- they partake in the relationship for the enjoyment of one's partner.
History
Cupio originally used the prefix kalos-, which was coined by Tumblr user acelyssie on the 6th of May, 2014.[4] However, the prefix was changed to cupio- a month later due to Pokémon jokes and misunderstandings of what the prefix kalos- meant.[5][6] It is unknown who created the cupio flag or when it was created, but it has existed since at least the 21st of April, 2015.[7]
Since its creation, the label cupioromantic has been a subject of controversy due to claims it is aromantic-phobic. Perhaps the most well-known argument for this is a Wordpress article published by thethinkingasexual (TTA) in January 2015, in which they declare cupioromantic is problematic due to "coming from a place of amatonormativity and romantic supremacy".[8]
The article received fierce criticism from both cupioromantic and non-cupioromantic individuals alike. Many cupioromantic individuals asserted they have the right to label the effects amatonormativity has on them and be proud of their identity, and that gatekeeping is harmful to the wider community.[9][10] Non-cupioromantic individuals added to the discourse by dismantling TTA's idea that the only difference between a romantic and non-romantic relationship is the presence of romantic attraction.[11]
The term cupio- continued to be controversial throughout much of 2014 and 2015, with a mod of the Tumblr blog asexualadvice advocating against both cupioromantic and cupiosexual use due to concerns that they imply behavior is an orientation.[12] This received a mixed response from their followers and the wider aspec community, with some calling them close-minded and others agreeing that the labels are unnecessary or aphobic. Regarding asexualadvice's stance, one anonymous user stated:
...cupio wasn't created to be a orientation on its own, its really just a term to further describe an individual's aromanticism. I honestly don't see it harming anyone and I think the existence of this word has helped many aro ppl figure out that they actually are aro despite the confusing thoughts of a desire for a romantic relationship![13]
In response to the controversy, many cupioromantic individuals published personal anecdotes explaining why being cupioromantic makes their relationship with aromanticism complicated and unique, and thus needs to be acknowledged.[14] The controversy died down sometime in 2016, with acceptance and positivity growing in the #cupioromantic tag on Tumblr.[15]
Ironically, TTA's article and the ensuing controversy have been credited with popularizing the term.[16]
Related Terms
| Label | Relationship | Description | Difference |
|---|---|---|---|
| Bellus- | Similar | Individuals who enjoy participating in relationship-oriented activities but do not want a relationship(s). | Cupio individuals desire a relationship(s). |
| Orchid- | Opposite | Orchid describes individuals that experience attraction but do not desire a relationship(s). | Cupio individuals don't experience attraction, while orchid individuals do. Cupio individuals want a relationship(s), while orchid individuals do not. |
Orientations
| Label | Orientation | Flag | Creator(s) |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cupioalterous | Alterous |  [17]
|
thepokedexisgay |
| Cupioplatonic | Platonic |  [17]
|
thepokedexisgay |
| Cupioqueerplatonic | Queerplatonic |  [17]
|
thepokedexisgay |
| Cupioromantic | Romantic |  [17]
|
thepokedexisgay |
| Cupiosensual | Sensual |  [17]
|
thepokedexisgay |
| Cupiosexual | Sexual |  [17]
|
thepokedexisgay |
Prefixes and Suffixes
| Label | Prefix / Suffix | Flag | Description | Creator(s) |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Cupiogex | -gex |  [18]
|
Exclusively attracted to same/similar gender(s), but partakes in relationship(s) with opposite/dissimilar gender(s).[18] | Vi |
| Cupiohex | -hex |  [19]
|
Exclusively attracted to opposite/dissimilar gender(s), but partakes in relationship(s) with same/similar gender(s).[19] | AP |
Flags and Symbols
The cupio-/kalos- flag was created by an unknown individual, published by Pride-Flags on the 4th of July, 2015.[20]
Resources
- ↑ "cupio". Wiktionary, 20 Nov, 2022, https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cupio#Latin.
- ↑ Campano, Leah. "What Does It Mean to Be Cupiosexual?". Seventeen, 21 Oct, 2022, https://www.seventeen.com/love/a41695822/cupiosexual-meaning-definition/.
- ↑ Davis, Georgia. "What Does Cupiosexual Mean? It's One Of Many Asexual Micro Labels". Women's Health, 25 Feb, 2022, https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a39120907/cupiosexual/.
- ↑ acelyssie. "Kalossexual:". Tumblr, 6 May, 2014, https://web.archive.org/web/20140621223414/https://acelyssie.tumblr.com/post/87949214370/kalossexual-desiring-a-sexual-relationship-but. Archived on 21 Jun, 2014.
- ↑ aromanticaardvark. "Kalossexual:". Tumblr, 18 Jun, 2014, https://web.archive.org/web/20230626161604/https://www.tumblr.com/aromanticaardvark/89070583499/dearnonacepeople-acelyssie-kalossexual. Archived on 26 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ shades-of-grayro. "kalos was changed bc of the pokemon jokes". Tumblr, 30 Jun, 2014, https://web.archive.org/web/20230625022139/https://www.tumblr.com/shades-of-grayro/90301720735/kalos-was-changed-bc-of-the-pokemon-jokes-and?source=share. Archived on 25 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ gender-sexuality-happiness-rage. "So there needs to be a better explanation of cupioromantic". Tumblr, 22 Apr, 2015, https://web.archive.org/web/20230626193830/https://www.tumblr.com/gender-sexuality-happiness-rage/117008331372/so-there-needs-to-be-a-better-explanation-of?source=share. Archived on 26 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ thethinkingasexual. "AMATANORMATIVITY, ROMANCE, AND PARTNERSHIP: MY PROBLEM WITH “CUPIOROMANTICISM”". Wordpress, 8 Oct, 2014, https://thethinkingasexual.wordpress.com/2014/10/08/amatanormativity-romance-and-partnership-my-problem-with-cupioromanticism/.
- ↑ princeofraspberries. "Hello everyone! A while back I wrote a piece on cupioromanticism.". Tumblr, 22 Feb, 2015, https://web.archive.org/web/20230626180543/https://www.tumblr.com/princeofraspberries/111713854551/hello-everyone-a-while-back-i-wrote-a-piece-on. Archived on 6 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ writer-ace. "Cupioromanticism and Gatekeeping". Tumblr, 7 Mar, 2015, https://web.archive.org/web/20230626185808/https://www.tumblr.com/writer-ace/112930871008/cupioromanticism-and-gatekeeping. Archived on 26 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ godlessace. "The Thinking Asexual's problem with cupioromanticism". Tumblr, 31 Oct, 2014, https://web.archive.org/web/20230626192738/https://www.tumblr.com/godlessace/101356031668/the-thinking-asexuals-problem-with. Archived on 26 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ asexualadvice. "nereidyke-deactivated20161106 asked:". Tumblr, 13 Sep, 2015, https://web.archive.org/web/20230626175643/https://asexualadvice.tumblr.com/tagged/the%20great%20cupio%20debate. Archived on 26 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ asexualadvice. "Anonymous asked:". Tumblr, 6 Dec, 2014, https://www.tumblr.com/asexualadvice/104410061914/about-this-discussion-on-cupioromantic-being-a.
- ↑ questioninglilac. "Cupioromatic". Tumblr, 8 Oct, 2014, https://www.tumblr.com/questioninglilac/99480543740/cupioromatic.
- ↑ questioninglilac. "Oh my god". Tumblr, 19 Apr, 2016, https://web.archive.org/web/20230626190737/https://www.tumblr.com/questioninglilac/143008457200/oh-my-god. Archived on 26 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ godlessace. "statement of motives". Tumblr, 20 May, 2015, https://web.archive.org/web/20230626191346/https://www.tumblr.com/godlessace/119424257918/statement-of-motives. Archived on 6 Jun, 2023.
- ↑ 17.0 17.1 17.2 17.3 17.4 17.5 thepokedexisgay. "Cupio- flags!". Tumblr, 12 Jul, 2019, https://web.archive.org/web/20220127035956/https://thepokedexisgay.tumblr.com/post/186247036463/cupio-flags-alterous-platonic-queerplatonic. Archived on 27 Jan, 2022.
- ↑ 18.0 18.1 beyond-mogai-pride-flags. "Cupiogex: pronounced q-pee-oh-gh-ex". Tumblr, 5 Nov, 2018, https://web.archive.org/web/20220127041708/https://beyond-mogai-pride-flags.tumblr.com/post/179812021390/cupiogex-pronounced-q-pee-oh-gh-ex-someone-who-is. Archived on 27 Jan, 2022.
- ↑ 19.0 19.1 beyond-mogai-pride-flags. "Cupiohex Pride Flag". Tumblr, 8 Dec, 2019, https://web.archive.org/web/20220127034616/https://beyond-mogai-pride-flags.tumblr.com/post/189548206980/cupiohex-pride-flag. Archived on 27 Jan, 2022.
- ↑ Pride-Flags. "Cupio- / Kalos- (2)". DeviantArt, 4 Jul, 2015, https://web.archive.org/web/20220610042024/https://www.deviantart.com/pride-flags/art/Cupio-Kalos-2-543925404.
